I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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