I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
