he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
