so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
