dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Found the puke drawer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
