I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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