He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize