she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
