your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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