After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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