Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I just found a frying pan...in my bed.

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(404): View more from Georgia

It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.

(402): View more from Nebraska

Update, its a couple

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(712): View more from Iowa

The police scanner is talking about you again....

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(613): View more from Ontario

Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees

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(903): View more from Texas

I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...

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(805): View more from California

I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?

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(407): View more from Florida

My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!

(917): View more from New York City

Bending dicks and egos since 2002

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