Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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