Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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