pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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