i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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