You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Can i not drive my cunt home
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
