My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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