i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
