Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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