thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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