Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
