I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
