What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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