DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
