I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
