I faked an abortion last night.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
