if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
