ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
