Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
