I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
