So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
