I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
