So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
