shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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