I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
