fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
