I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
