We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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