your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
