the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
