so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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