I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize