similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize