Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
