i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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