Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
