did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
