Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
