I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
