We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
