So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just found puke in my bra..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
