i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
