I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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