We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
