Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize