How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
