watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
