I want to stick my p in your. b.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
