I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
