i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
