I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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