I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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