I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
