Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
tell me about the fingering
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