My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
