the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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