my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
