Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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