i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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