saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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