We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
