If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
