I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
